While some people might be bummed by no one checking out their blog anymore, I think there is some liberation to be find in that. I can talk about what I want, and really, there is no fear of retribution or raised eyebrow. If you are as shy as I am, you will understand this to be a good thing.

I drove out of town last week, to see He Who Shall Not be Named Here. HWSNBNH lives about two and a half hours out of the city. I didn't have a great lot of time to spend, as I had to work on Saturday. However, we just hung out, and I did a great pile of dishes in his house. Yes, I hate dishes, and would rather just purchase new ones every day. However, He needed the help. having been sick for the last few weeks. I like to think that I gave him an idea of what life with me would be like; I'm not sure. We ripped out the carpet in my hallway a few weeks ago, and I think he had another glimpse of what being with me is like. I am not stating that I am all excitement, but that I am really the person he is looking for. I just wish he really knew that.

I understand there is a gender issue to work past here. His brain isn't wrapped around feeling like this for another man. I am fairly certain that this isn't the only thing holding him back, though.

Music makes the people come together, yeah....

Funny how when you are obsessed with someone that every song has meaning.
I officially now sound entirely too much like a 16 year old girl for my liking.
However, there is truth to that. Paparazzi, by Lady Gaga makes me think of him every time. Why?

I'm your biggest fan,
I'll follow you until you love me

Although that sounds creepy now that I think about it.

So, if you must know...

I've always had a thing for Vin Diesel. He has power, presence, and a soul that can't be masked by acting.
Ryan Reynolds is just captivating. I am not as sure about his heart as I am Vin, but he's tasty.
And hey, it is my blog.

Then We have Zeb Atlas, who is known to some, and not to all. I've always been torn; do I want to be him, or is that how I want to look?

All of these questions aside, there is a point for this gratuitous eye candy.
These are fine specimens of adoration and of lust.

And I'd walk past each of them without a second glance for he who shall not be named here.

So that's why I talk about him, and seem obsessed. Maybe I am. But, I'm serious about it. I don't just like him. As best I can tell, the answers to my prayers for him are "Yes, but not quite yet".

Please God, I've had enough bad this year. Please, let me have this one person. I can't get Dad back; I can't get Fluffy back. Give me this.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Ah, emotional suicide. How I've missed thee!

Apparently once a decade, I get to meet someone completely interesting, affectionate, funny and wonderful. Clearly, the rider on this is that they cannot be interested in me.

Dating women? Sucks.
Dating men? Sucks.

Moving on to plants.

I don't know if anyone reads this anymore. It seems as though blogging might have gone the way of the buffalo. Regardless, this blog started out for me, and as mine it will remain.
It's been the year from Hell.
2009 saw car repairs, house repairs. I had to have my beloved cat Fluffy put down after attempting to save her with surgery that I couldn't afford. She lost weight, and just wasn't herself. Turns out it was cancer, and incurable. She never came out of the anesthetic, at the advice of the veterinarian. She never had to know the horror of having been operated on, only to never recover and die from a combination of surgery and cancer, or by the needle. I still think that I should have rushed to the clinic to hold her paw as she left for a better world. That's my only regret.

2009 saw my grandmother fall and break her hip. In people of a certain age, this happens. However, her time spent in Royal University Hospital was a nightmare for her. She had every complication short of dying on the table. She is still recovering from the blood infection, and back problems.

2009 saw my father suddenly pass away at 57. He died of a combination of asthma and an enlarged heart. He may have had a heart attack. We really don't know, and for the sake of the autopsy, I am not sure we ever will. We buried him beside my grandfather in the small church near our farm. Like he did for his father, my brothers and I dug the grave, and filled it in. I guess that was one of the last things we could have done for him. All three of us spoke at his funeral too.

Strangely my family has been closer since. Dad's birthday is coming up in just a few days, as is Thanksgiving in Canada. So, I am afraid for how Mom is going to handle the stress of the holiday and birthdays, and the two month anniversary of his death all in a short span of time.