I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher - they are going to make a board game out of it. - Woody Allen

Four score, and a few cars ago...

It's strange the memories that come back to you, unbidden.

I was just sitting here, kind of thinking of nothing, when a memory from about 6 years ago came back to me.

I just had just moved to Calgary, and met my now ex boyfriend JC. We had picked up a guy that he was chatting with, named Phil. If I remember, Phil was from Toronto. I wonder what ever happened to him? I think he was a model; and if he wasn't he should have been. JC, Phil, and I were touring around Calgary in my Buick stationwagon. If you ever have the chance to buy an enormous station wagon, I highly recommend them. With us, was someone that Phil had met during his travels, who was a rather attractive young woman that I want to call Aimie...I had her email address once, but have since lost it.

We went to a park in Calgary. North Glenmore, I believe. It was a beautiful night, and the park is right on the river, if memory serves.

However, the park, unbeknownst to me, closes at sundown. So, it was also police and towtruck patrolled. My ginormic Buick was towed...away...No...wait, I had the Thunderbird then.... the truck wouldn't have been able to have moved the Buick... Strange how memories become more and more clear the more you think and dwell...

So, it was a good thing that the night was beautiful, as we had to walk to the nearest pay phone to call both the police who informed me that my car was impounded, and then JC's parents to come and pick us up, and fetch the missing Ford. Generally, we were all lucky that his folks were the people they were, as few parents I know would have bailed their 20 something children/boyfriends/mystery friend from a park in the middle of the night, somewhere around 0300.

We got the car, which had sustained a flat tire in the impound lot, sent JC home, and I dropped Phil off at his dorm, and got home entirely too late to go to work the next morning, which I did anyway.

I wonder what other details of that night will come forward from the storehouse of my memory now that I have recalled this much? I remember Phil wanted me to come into his dorm...and I would have to suggest his intentions were not strictly honourable...:). I remember that. I wonder if he does? Why does any of this mean anything now, six years later? I don't know if it does. I doubt that it does. JC and I broke up. The Thunderbird died in Hanna AB, and is quietly rusting away on a farm... The Buick has been redone from stem to stern, and is dearly loved my an elderly couple, and I don't live in Alberta anymore. I've switched jobs a few times since then.

I miss the person that I was then. I think in some ways I was a better person. I didn't have quite so many hard lessons under my belt. I think I trusted more; loved harder. I was younger and had fewer grey hairs. Those seem to visit me all too often, and decide to stay. I think a new one comes with each and every bill that is stuffed rudely into my mail box. Give them to the people across the street. I don't like them, and by all accounts they appear to have more than enough money, anyway. They looked at this house when they bought in this neighbourhood, I was told. They didn't think a lot of it. Good for you. Now I'm here, and I have a wonderful little old lady next door. My luck, your loss.

What does this have to do with my original post? Not a whole lot, but it might be the most accurate stream of thought to have come out my head, and been expressed by my fingers in this whole blog so far.

Schaughn

Hi, My name is Schaughn, and I use Mary Kay.

I had a Mary Kay party this weekend. Yes, before you go and check out my information again, I am a man. My aunt recently started selling it, and asked me if I could have a show for her.

It actually went much better than I expected. While the turn out was smaller than I had hoped for, I think I might have actually hit an optimum size anyway. A male friend of mine that thought he was just coming over for a laugh left my house with about 70 dollars of product.... LOL! I have to admit, there is a good and fighting chance I'll have another one at some point...

Right about when I run out of eye gel...


Schaughn

Your Birthdate: January 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

I did not write this, but I wish I had.

All that I strive for
All that I lust for
All that I'm burdened with
binding my strength in a struggle
that begins with My Perception
and ends with My Own Self Worth.

The Slow Dancer Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDm) Steady, reliable, and cradling her tenderly. Take a deep breath, and let it out real easy...you are The Slow Dancer. Your focus is love, not sex, and for your age, you have average experience. But you're a great, thoughtful guy, and your love life improves every year. There's also a powerful elimination process working in your favor: most Playboy types get stuck raising unwanted kids before you even begin settling down. The women left over will be hot and yours. Your ideal woman is someone intimate, intelligent, and very supportive. Your exact opposite: The Hornivore Random Brutal Sex Master While you're not exactly the life of the party, you do thrive in small groups of smart people. Your circle of friends is extra tight and it's HIGHLY likely they're just like you. You appreciate symmetry in relationships. ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor or The Sonnet Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: Schaughn

Fuck you and your minions too!

A kind and thankful letter to the fucknut who decided sometime last night that my car did not need a rear window.

Thank you. I have little else to do today, other than pay for the ever growing list of things that I cannot manage, without adding a smashed rear window on the car to the list. Personally, I enjoy missing a day of work to talk to a police officer who seemed as overworked and stressed as I am feeling. I am glad that it is lunch time on a beautiful Friday, and I am sitting at home, waiting for quotes to get the car fixed, which again, I cannot afford, but will have to miraculously pull out of my ass.

Karma is a bitch. If I happen to run over your stanky ass with my little broken car, I will do so with a smile on my face.
Schaughn

And so I've surived

And yes, I knew I would live.

I am still disappointed. I had hoped for more. I really had. I guess it was not to be.
I just don't know what comes now. I could get a few more cats...be the crazy cat guy...that might work for me...

No...

Hmm...
Suggestions?

Schaughn

All about me!

the vitals:
age: 28
height: 6 feet, 2- 3 inches
weight: 220ish...
hair color: brown, with some grey tendencies. Currently, brown with blond streaks.
eye color: blue
ethnicity: white/caucasian
facial hair: None, but not by choice.

favorites:
food: Chocolate
ethnic cuisine: Vietnamese, italian
fast food: no thanks...well...perhaps Dairy Queen
fruit: oranges, mangoes, grapes
candy: Lemon drops
vegetable: peas, carrots, asparagus.
pepsi or coke?: Iced Tea, thanks.
mixed drink: Long Island Iced Tea...Vodka Special...I think that is a Green Apple to some of you out there. Cherry Whiskey Paralizers.
shot: Whatever the bartender makes me.
beer: Don't drink the stuff. It doesn't like me.
ice cream flavor: Cookie dough
color: green
day of the week: Saturday
holiday: Christmas
season: spring
cartoon: Simpsons, Futurama, Garfield
tv drama: CSI
tv sitcom: Sex and the City
late night show: Don't watch late night TV
flower: Violet
companion pet: Dog or cat
animal: Hmm...not sure. Could still say dog or cat here, I think.
cologne: I wear a few...most commonly Black by Kenneth Cole, or Navy.
boxers or briefs?: briefs
poets: Emily Dickinson, Margaret Atwood.
music genres: Rock, pop, classical.
music artist- Jann Arden
composers: Beethoven, Mozart
actors: I don't know...
actresses: Julia Roberts, Reese Witherspoon,
movies: Comedy, drama. I do tend to like chick flicks... :D
restaurants: Olive Garden, Poverinos, Saigon Rose.
place to visit: Pretty much anywhere!
places to shop (clothing): Someplace with a sale!
places to shop (other): Someplace with a sale!
books: I love used book stores. They are far more fun than a new book store.
shoes: Somewhere with a sale.
home stuff: Ikea, Pier One. I would love to be able to afford Ethan Allen.

interesting (?) facts:
middle name: Tefon (it's Polish)
birthday: January 20, 1978
astrological sign: cusp of Aquarius and Capricorn. It explains a lot.
relationship status: Messy
sexual orientation: bisexual
handedness: right
vision: 20/20
piercings: none
tattoos: none
current profession: Dispatcher
strange jobs I've had in the past: Gas station attendent; dishwasher; bookseller; groundskeeping, for both a church and for a trailer park; concrete product sales- including septic tanks.
highest education: Bachelors degree in English, graduated with Honours.
my location: Saskatoon, SK
am I out?: To friends. I think too many people make too much of this. I take this perspective on it- Unless you are fucking me, it is none of your concern.
bellybutton: an innie
scars i have: Forehead, from when I was 5 and fell on the corner of the desk at home. One from where I had a hernia repaired.
birthmarks: one, on the lower centre of my chest. It's fairly faint.
family: Mom and Dad are still together after nearly 35 years. I have 2 brothers: Trent, who is married to Staci. They have 2 children, Savanna and Tallan. My brother Tefon is married to Jennifer. I am lucky enough to have both of my maternal Grandparents, Harry and Christine, and my paternal grandmother, Edna. Who needs to be mentioned here are those friends who are more than friends, and are the family I am not related to. Jenn and Dave, who have been more supportive and helpful than they will ever know, and Myla and Cory, who have never failed to be there for me under any circumstance. I do hope they know that come Hell AND high water, I would never leave them, even if fate plans to move me somewhere.

pets: 2 cats, Fluffy and Tokyo. 2 fish, Wanda and Lucky.
year I graduated high school: 1996
high school: Blaine Lake High School
year I graduated university: 2000
alma mater: University of Saskatchewan
shoe size: 11
earlobes: detached
instruments I play: piano
irrational fears: spiders, the back seat of my car at night (some of you know this story)
strange talents: I'm flexible.
weaknesses/indulgences: chocolate. plants. Trucks. Cars...
my car's year, make & model: 2002 Chevrolet Malibu
car's name: Alice
how many miles it has: 80 000 kms
stickshift (manual) or automatic?: automatic
which I prefer: manual is fun to drive, but for constant city driving, an automatic sure is nice.
what car I want when I can afford one: One? I only get to have one?
languages spoken: English. I don't remember enough highschool French to qualify.
ethnic descent: Dad is German, Russian and Polish. Mom is English, Irish, and German.
what does your last name mean: my last name is Polish/ Jewish. It means "The world".
countries I've visited: I need to do more travelling.
places I most want to visit: New York, Ireland, England, Atlantic Canada, the Atlantic United States, Alaska.
smoking status: Non smoker
drinking habits: Light.
other bad habits: procrastination, indecisiveness. Maybe not, I'll think about that later. :D
religion: Spiritual, but not really a part of organized religion. Christian of a sort, I suppose.

least favorites:
food: Shrimp. It doesn't like me, either. Smoked things. The only foods that should be smoked are ham and bacon.
season: Winter
holiday: I am not sure I can think of one... I am opposed to Valentines day, though. If that is the only day of the year you can remember to tell me you love me, you don't care enough to be there.
flower: Don't think I have one.
tv drama: Any reality TV crap.
tv sitcom: Any reality TV crap.
talk show: I kinda hate them all, and equally. It disheartens me to know that there are that many trashy people on Earth.
late night show: I don't watch any of them.
movie: I dislike any horror movie that is going for a gross out factor. I cannot see myself ever watching "Saw" or any of it's ilk, because that sort of film tends to be heavy on blood, and light on plot.
music artist: I don't think I dislike an artist specifically. More likely, I dislike the genre of music, although I do dislike Aerosmith. I liked them for a while, and now they are overplayed and irritating.
public figure: Paris Hilton. If she were poor, at the very best she would have been the laughing stock of her village. Since she is wealthy, she will have the money to support her dimwitted ass.

And so much for that.

"It was really good seeing you during your visit, and I enjoyed spending time with you, and I hope you enjoyed yourself too. Obviously one of the key reasons for your visit was so that we could see if there was anything between us, beyond a long distance infatuation. And I guess that test was successful, in that it did become very clear to me during your visit that the unresolved feelings I had for you were no longer there. Obviously this is neither a good thing nor a bad thing, it is just a self discovery of what feelings I really had for you after this amount of time."

I guess that's that. Is it wrong to admit in my blog that I'm crying? I think not, because I did say that I was going to be honest here. I think it's clear from my previous messages just how I feel.

I just don't know what to think or feel.

Now what?

Schaughn

I'm terrifed

I'm terrified that he won't be attracted to me like I am to him. I am scared that he won't want to try to develop anything because of the distance between Portland and Saskatoon. I really like him, and things I really want have a tendency to not happen...Sigh...

I've spent time praying, hoping that everything works out of the best. Ok...that's what part of me wants. The rest of me wants him to be the part that works out...Sigh...

Schaughn

So I finally did something daring- for me

And this is going to be another thing.

To all of your fair readers out there, in Blogging land, I have news.
I like sleeping with boys and girls...

OK...that was cheezily euphemistic, wasn't it? However, I am not going to delete it, as I like it. I laughed. Perhaps you will to. If not, I'm not sorry to offend you. I've learned some valuable things about the person I want to be as of late.

The other daring thing I did was visit a good friend in Portland, OR this weekend. Why is this daring? Because I've been very very very very (this template will not allow me to use the full number of very's required to express this emotion. Just assume infinity) attracted to for a number of years. No Ariia, I did not get laid. I did have a good time with a person that makes me feel good about myself. Anyone that knows me knows that is a task in of itself. I like the person I am with him. I like how I feel with him. I like the way I feel when I put my head on his shoulder. I like that he can challenge and stimulate me intellectually. For those of you who have seen pictures, not only do I find him blindingly attractive physically, I do intellectually, also. I was reminded of just how much better he looks in person as compared to his pictures. (wistful sigh)

Ok. I am not going to wax Shakespeare, and compare him to a summers day; although I could. You are asking why this is daring? Because it is not at all like me. I'm pretty dull. I wish I could say something more positive about myself. Also, I am not sure how I should ask him if he still has feelings for me. I did not do it while I was there for a variety of reasons, that all still make sense since I have returned home.

Is it wrong to want to move to another country for a man?


A really hot man?


A really hot man with his own house, a good job, and a truck?


And a nice package??


And a killer singing voice?


This is getting shallow....and I like it.... :)


Schaughn