Why do I feel self conscious about giving this url to people I know, when it is already posted on the internet, and available to pretty much everyone? Is it the vulnerability; is it the loss of privacy?
I was going to write that I am not sure what has been up with my mood lately. I've not been very energetic, and I've been sort of living in my head. I do that at the best of times really, but this is different. Perhaps it is Mid-Winter Blahs setting in. Do you think we forget how it felt the year before in order to allow the Blahs to affect us more when they visit again? Something to ponder...
I came across a line that I enjoy - What would Jesus forget?
Perhaps he got the Blahs too.
Things have been bothering me. My relationship, lack thereof, or mess therein. Hard to say where to categorize that. Money. That definately falls into the lack thereof pile. My job. The mess therein pile. The disaster therein. Where is that winning lotto ticket when you NEED it? Some people at work are very close to being told - (Thank you SB and Ariia for this one) - Why don't you go and play a nice game of Hide and Go Fuck Yourself?
Thrown into the whole Blah thing is the fact that I was very sick over the weekend. However that doesn't mentally translate into an excuse to have avoided the gym until this point. And here, we have another reason why I'm blah. It might have to do with the recent birthday, but perhaps not. I'm bothered more by the body I see in the mirror. I don't want my pants spilling over, or the Mushroom Cloud effect anymore; not that I never did. The problem with the Blahs is that you don't want to go the Gym, therefore feeling guilty about that. How is it that you don't have the energy to do anything, but have the energy to feel guilty? Then, you look yourself in the mirror, and feel worse. Thus, the cycle completes and continues.
Hmmm...Perhaps a personal trainer for a week or three, somewhere on Hawaii. Bathing suits not required...
That would help. I'm willing to give it a try. :)
1 comment:
Trust me, your not the only one feeling likr this lately. I think I might actually go to the doctor and see if if perhaps I have Mono (one of these days). Sounds dumb right? But in my mind its one of three things; Mono, Depression, or winter blahs. Take your pick they all feel the same. I can hardly get my ass out of bed or off the couch. I don't care that I'm so freaking tired and not feeling well that I've missed alot of classes lately. The achy swollen glands surely must be a sign of something.And I'm cranky and irritable because I feel so blah.
But then the more I think about it the more I pass it off as just being sick and tired of my life and its the winter blahs, thereby passing yet again on getting my ass off the couch and to school, or better yet a freakin MD.
Your not alone my friend. Perhaps we should start up our support group? We can call the it the "hide and go fuck yourself" support group. If you don't feel tired, cranky and pathetice, you need not apply!
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